I'll chime in on the orchestration side of it. I say this to almost everyone: Whenever you write string parts for songs please write for a full section minus double bass (where there is a bass guitar present.) Not only does it sound harmonically weak just having one lonesome sub-section of the string section but from left to right in the stereo field it sounds empty. There are a lot of good orchestration books out there and if you'd like I could recommend a few. But try to remember that 1st violins are far left, 2nd violins a little left/center and violas a little right/center with cellos being further right (and double basses far right.)
The melody is fine, I actually quite like the chorus melody and she has a good voice too. Although it's really let down by the lack of a well-scored string section. It's just practice of course. But if you listen to professional tracks that have hired a professional orchestrator/string writer then you'll see what I mean about how much a well-scored string section can enhance a good vocal and good vocal melody.
The chorus section isn't very clear in production either. But if the strings, doubling, harmony and general orchestration were fixed then that alone would make the production sound better.
Good start anyway, lots to work on but also some nice ideas. Obviously no idea what the lyrics are of course, but I never listen to lyrics in English songs anyway so that's a non-issue for me given that I typically hear choir singing in Latin, random syllables or the odd J-pop and K-pop tracks.
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