Hi there 5am,
All I can say is don’t give up!!
If you can outline what you are getting maybe, just maybe I can give you some ideas that might solve your issues!
As you know, like you, I have had a lot of problems getting VST connect to work, and I now really believe that is simply because I was approaching it from a very complicated angle!
What I mean is that, as I have said on these forums before, I am a computer luddite! Getting in to Cubase was hard enough but getting my head around VST connect was harder…but only because I made it so 
I have now had several VST connect sessions and all of them worked brilliantly 
As I said in my last post here, if I can help I will, but remember I am not as clever as Musicullum so if you are willing to have another go let me know…and don’t give up 'cos it really does work!!
Jim B