First thing that I think the piece is lacking is a lack of layers in the instruments. It just sounds too empty despite some different parts. On the rare occasion that I try to do something electronic I try to think of it in a similar way of orchestration as orchestra. I think not only about how things are in pitch from low to high and if it sounds like there are missing pitch ranges between the lowest and highest parts but I’m also very conscience of how they also stack up left to right on the stage. I just visualize my electronic sounds as an extra or replaced seat on my imaginary orchestra stage. 
Anyway, I think the ideas are coming along nicely. Makes me think of some videogame stuff, very cool atmosphere when I imagine a 2D platformer with your track. But like the melody section at 3:20, the bass is louder than the melody instrument which should never be the case, ever, in any genre. I think the melody could be layered up or just something in addition to being raised in volume. Experiment a bit with adding some subtle layers left and right and experiment with panning instruments specifically in the context of layering in unison, could be really cool!
The clap/snare sound could do with being a touch louder at some points and quieter at others and the overall balancing of instruments/percussion in general too. I’m listening on earphones but I’m pretty sure I’d still hear it that way on headphones too. If I’m imagining an ice level at like 2:20 for the clap/snare it’d be cool to create 2 of the tracks and have the reverb much bigger at that point to give it that “cold” sound. It doesn’t sound like there is much reverb on at all anyway. I think a bit more would really help gel the sounds together as a composition.
Good start though, enjoyable so far. Keyboard sounds make me think a bit of a snow/ice level. xD Keep working at it unless you’re already onto something new.