Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

General discussions on songwriting, mixing, music business and other music related topics.
Post Reply
cg33
New Member
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:19 am
Contact:

Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by cg33 » Mon Nov 25, 2019 8:10 pm

Hi. So, quick personal post for some advice. I've been with my wife for about 10 years and it's been a real struggle with music. After the first few months she wound up kicking the studio door down because I was "ignoring her". From that point on I didn't really do anymore music than a song or two on a laptop with a 25 key midi controller. My Yamaha HS8's haven't been hooked up since around 2011. In hindsight I most certainly should have kicked her out of my life when she couldn't accept the fact that I spend a lot of my time making music. I was young and foolish.

Fast forward to now: I finally set up a studio again a few months ago and picked up a NI S61. AMAZING controller! The creativity just started to flow out of me. However, there was about 2 months where I had to reeducate myself because I had forgotten all of my music theory. Music has evolved so much in the last 10 years as well that I found that my usual methods made the music sound dated.

My immediate problem is that not much has changed in the last 10 years. In the past hour she's made me take off my headphones a total of 6 times to answer stupid / pointless questions. I explained that when I'm in a creative flow that interrupting me causes the ideas to be lost forever. Hell, I lose a lot of ideas when I have to stop to hit the record button when I'm freestyling on the keyboard. Her reply: "That's f-ing stupid".

The environment just isn't conducive to creativity.

There is something deeper going on here as well. I have a lot of animosity towards her that I didn't realize was there. I've been making music since the age of 10. I remember writing my first rap song in 5th grade lol. It was a really big piece of my heart and soul. This animosity has been building up for years now unbeknownst to my conscious mind, but I'm really having a difficult time coping with the fact that I put music away for so long. And for the last couple of months that I've been relearning everything I've developed a conscious hatred towards her because I have found myself in a place I never should have been: rusty and dull in my skills.

Now that I write this out, I think divorce is the only answer. Music is such a deep part of my soul and being without it is like being without my right arm. I castrated myself on a spiritual level and didn't even realize it. I take full responsibility for my own actions and decisions, I only wish I could realize what I was doing at the time of doing it.

Anyone else have any similar experiences or issues and maybe some advice to share?

Cheers.

User avatar
MrSoundman
Senior Member
Posts: 2465
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:27 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by MrSoundman » Mon Nov 25, 2019 9:11 pm

I think you've answered your own question. You know what you need to do.
Windows 10 • Cubase 10.5.12 • WaveLab 10.0.30 • SpectraLayers 6.0.30 • HALion 6.4.0 • Groove Agent 5.0.20 • Midex

User avatar
MattiasNYC
Grand Senior Member
Posts: 4009
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:27 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by MattiasNYC » Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:14 pm

Yikes....!

Any funds available to rent a cheap space somewhere and set up a little composer's room? Somewhere where she can't just walk in and bother you? So you'd go there, lock the door(s), turn off the phone, and create...
Nuendo 7.1.4 / Lynx TWO-B / Windows 10 Pro 64-bit / Ryzen 1700 3.7GHz (oc) / 16GB Corsair Vengeance DDR4@3200MHz / Radeon VII / ASUS x370-A mobo/ 500GB WD Blue system drive / Crucial BX100 250GB SSD media / spinners for library/backup ::::: iZotope RX 7/ Phoenixverb Surround / DaVinci Resolve / Faderport / Applied Acoustics UltraAnalog / my pet pony Frank

User avatar
shadowfax
Senior Member
Posts: 2807
Joined: Sun May 20, 2012 3:21 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by shadowfax » Tue Nov 26, 2019 12:44 pm

That's an impossible situation my friend...if you did what is suggested above you would still have problems because your wife would complain that your never around...you have a very hard decision to make I'm afraid...you only get one chance on this planet...good luck..
https://soundcloud.com/knmac ... Cubase 10.5..Windows 10..Intel Core i9 9900K Coffee Lake Refresh 3.6GHz Eight Core 1151 Socket Overclockable Processor, WD Black WDS250G3X0C SN750 - 250GB M.2 PCIe NVMe SSD, ASRock AMD Radeon RX580 8GB OC Phantom Gaming D Dual Fan Graphics Card,
Gigabyte Z390 GAMING X Intel Socket 1151 ATX HDMI DDR4 USB C 3.1 M.2 Motherboard, 32GB ram, 2x Team GX2 1TB SATA III SSD. Yamaha N8.

Nickeldome
Member
Posts: 753
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 1:06 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Nickeldome » Sat Nov 30, 2019 9:36 am

Sorry we can't help you if you don't tell us what version of Windows and Cubase you have! Just kidding. :D

I must say it's very brave of you to discuss something like this here? But that being said....

The way you describe it IMO the choice is actually very simple especially if you have no kids to consider! You should come to some sort of agreement with your wife or you should consider leaving her if she won't give you the space you need.

I know all about nagging partners that don't understand this 'drive to create'. I ditched a few and finally came to the conclusion I'm better off on my own. You just have to decide if you really want to be on your own. Because I know someone that's always looking for space and once he has it he feels the void of not being with someone? The classic can't live with and can't live without.....
Cubase Pro - Wavelab Pro (always latest version) Windows 10 Pro 64bit / Asus TUF Mark 1 X299 / i9-7900X (at 4.3 GHZ) / 64GB RAM / Geforce GTX 1060 6G / System drive Samsung M.2 1TB 960Pro / Kontakt drives 3 x 1TB Samsung Evo / Project/Audio/Archive drive 10TB Seagate Ironwolf - Audio interface: Roland UA-1610 / External gear: Kawai MP11 / Kurzweil PC88 / Sequential Circuits Prophet 5 / Roland JV1080 / Roland D50 / Korg 01/W / Elka EK22 – Midi controllers: Roli Seabord Rise 49, SoundQuest 8port-SE / Nektar Panorama P1 / Roland Octopad II / Akai MPD18 - Main VST's: Kontakt 6 / Padshop Pro / Spectrasonics Omnisphere 2.6, Trillian & Keyscape / Arturia V-collection / FXpansion BFD 3 / Toontrack Superior Drummer 3
All time user of Cubase since Atari V2 (around 1990)


User avatar
MrSoundman
Senior Member
Posts: 2465
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:27 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by MrSoundman » Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:40 pm

Windows 10 • Cubase 10.5.12 • WaveLab 10.0.30 • SpectraLayers 6.0.30 • HALion 6.4.0 • Groove Agent 5.0.20 • Midex

User avatar
reberclark
Junior Member
Posts: 139
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:53 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by reberclark » Wed Dec 04, 2019 12:22 am

I went through several girlfriends who didn't get it until I finally met one who did and married her. They can be tough to find. I feel for you. I wish I had some advice but I don't. "Your music or your wife" is the choice it seems to me. In my opinion she's not going to change.
"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is."

Cubase Pro 10.5, Finale 25.5
A whole bunch of VSTs (East West, Spitfire, ProjectSam, ad infinitum...)

Windows 10 Pro 64 bit.

PeppaPig
Member
Posts: 916
Joined: Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:39 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by PeppaPig » Wed Dec 04, 2019 1:26 am

If there are no kids involved - then ditch her and move on - life's too short! The problem of course will be the division of assets - can you still afford a place+your studio after removing half your paper assets? If there are kids then forget it - you'll end up in a bedsit with a ukulele while she gets everything!
Cubase Pro 10.00.40, 9.5, Pro9.0.20. WaveLab 9 EL. UA Apollo Quad FW, UA PCI Octo, UA Satelite Quad, Adam T5V, Golden Audio pre73 DLX, Behringer ADA8200, Joe Meek AC3, Intel i7 6850x@4.2Ghz (6C/12T), Asus x99 Deluxe II, AMD 6450 HD, Windows 10 Pro, Samsung 860 and 850 SSDs, 64Gb RAM - Melodyne Studio, Komplete ultimate 11, Halion 6, GA,GA2,GA3,GA4 (+sp), OZ6, OZ7, OZ8 adv, Neutron Adv, BFD3, SoundToys rack, Panorama P1, M-Audio Oxygen, Yamaha YPP55 - outboard: PRO VLAII, Digitech Time machine RDS4000, 1950s Ferrograph Series 5, Mics: AKG C1000S, Rode NT2A and M5 pair, SE2200A, SE X1R, Fame-VT67 (cheap valve U67 clone), Heil PR20&PR22, Behringer Mic2200 used for reamping with a bit of nastiness!

User avatar
NorthWood MediaWorks
Senior Member
Posts: 2339
Joined: Wed Dec 15, 2010 5:51 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by NorthWood MediaWorks » Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:06 pm

My suggestion, though hard to get to from here, is to dissolve this partnership and see if you can find another partner who is also a musician. On the other hand, it reminds me of a good friend of mine who chose to stay single for this very reason... sadly he passed away recently, but he always held to the solo life, he could be as indulgent as he wished.

User avatar
TEEF
Member
Posts: 328
Joined: Sat May 21, 2016 2:38 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by TEEF » Fri Dec 06, 2019 1:43 pm

Have you ever wrote her a song?

I've been in many relationships where music and my studio became a problem. From gigging and touring on into working in the studio, it just doesn't fly with many women. My buddy on the other hand has been seeing a woman who is so a****** crazy about his music and is so supportive of him and his music that leads me to believe that there are situations out there that you can find that are supportive.


I'm not going to tell you what to do, you have to figure that out for yourself. If there's no way that your wife can understand why you do music, the writing's on the wall. The fact that she interrupts you when you're trying to spend a little time playing music, shows she needs attention for whatever reason. That's a personal problem of hers. I mean, if you're sitting with headphones on 4 days on end, I get it, but that doesn't seem like the case. You may be able to further your relationship through counseling because in my experience there's not only one problem in a relationship. You probably have quite a few problems together.
TEEF

RogerRabbit
New Member
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:46 pm

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by RogerRabbit » Mon Dec 16, 2019 1:50 pm

NorthWood MediaWorks wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:06 pm
My suggestion, though hard to get to from here, is to dissolve this partnership and see if you can find another partner who is also a musician. On the other hand, it reminds me of a good friend of mine who chose to stay single for this very reason... sadly he passed away recently, but he always held to the solo life, he could be as indulgent as he wished.
Doesn't have to be a musician, my girlfriend is very supportive of me and has zero musical talent but she understands me and gives me as much privacy as I need to concentrate in my studio. Just need to find someone who respects you and your interests

User avatar
Stephen57
Senior Member
Posts: 1799
Joined: Sat May 30, 2015 5:32 pm
Location: New York, NY
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Stephen57 » Mon Dec 16, 2019 4:43 pm

TEEF wrote:
Fri Dec 06, 2019 1:43 pm
Have you ever wrote her a song?

+1 on that.


When I was married I also had a band. My wife liked the band. We had a weekly rehearsal and some gigs -- nothing too crazy. As it went along, she started to do become, I think, jealous of the band. She'd call me during the rehearsals. Things would "come up" and I'd have to miss a session. We're no longer married. I still have music. Sadly, It was an irreconcilable difference. Music was not why the only reason we parted but it was part of the parting.

I always hope there can be reconciliation in any relationship and working for it is worth it but there's limits to everything.

Write her a song about it and if you both cry maybe things will get better.

I sincerely wish you good luck in working it out.
-------------------------------------------------------
DAW: Cubase Pro 10 (Main), Cubase Pro 9.5 (Backup); PC: HP Z230, i5 CPU quad-core 3.5 Ghz, 16 Gigs RAM; OS: Win 7 Pro 64-bit; Audio Converters, Scarlett 2I4, Zoom UCR-8; USB MIDI Controller, Akai Advance 49. VST-Is: Spectrasonics Omnisphere 2.5, Stylus RMX; Air Music: Hybrid, Transfuser 2, Vacuum Pro, Velvet, Xpand2; Novation: Bass Station; Sonovox Grand Piano; Rack: Proteus 2000, Korg 03R/W, Yamaha TG 33. Monitoring with KRK Rokit 8/G3, Tannoy PBM 6.5 II, Mics. Scheops, Sennheiser, Rode, Lectrosonics RF, etc.

Help with Cubase:
Documentation: https://steinberg.help/
Location/file paths of presets in Cubase and Nuendo: https://helpcenter.steinberg.de/hc/en-u ... nd-Nuendo-
Preferences: https://helpcenter.steinberg.de/hc/en-u ... and-Nuendo

SuperSteve
New Member
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2019 12:44 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by SuperSteve » Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:37 am

Hi guys just jamming in here...being in a loving relationship for about 2 years now, I can tell you that it takes quite a bit of understanding from both sides. Your situation seems to be a bit more complicated and I don’t want to be that guy who lectures around here.

Hope all turns out fine for you in the end...

Advance Merry Christmas to you and everyone ;)

Charliepace
New Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:54 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Charliepace » Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:59 am

damn! I feel your pain, you're in a real struggle.

User avatar
peakae
Grand Senior Member
Posts: 3172
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:15 pm
Location: Bedroom
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by peakae » Thu Dec 26, 2019 9:28 pm

There is a joke somewhere in this, and it has something to do with a Dongle :-)

No, but seriously, make sure You take care of You.

I had a friend whose wife, acted the same, it just spiraled out of control.
He ended up taking care of everything, cook, clean, work, children, groceries.
We played in a Band together, his only relieve from the stress at home. But then She would phone him like every 10 minutes when we had a rehearsal.
We all could see it coming, looking back.
He officially died from a brain bleed.
But I say his wife killed him by stressing him and robbing him of his only real passion, Music.
Cubase Pro 10, Wavelab Elements 9, I7 3770K , win10x64, 16Gb Ram, RME Raydat, Steinberg MR816x, Motu 828mkII, Behringer ADA8200, Yamaha moXF6, Steinberg UR242, Yamaha THR 10, Grace Design m900, CMC TP, CMC CH.

User avatar
Mauri
Senior Member
Posts: 1131
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:17 am
Location: Adelaide AU
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Mauri » Fri Dec 27, 2019 7:54 am

Whilst I have no real advice, it is a necessity that you look after yourself first, I have been incredibly lucky to have been married to a wonderful woman who has without fail supported my career, bands, rehearsals, being away touring and the lean times (and spending money on Cubase...) for the last 46+ years.
We are not particularly wealthy but consider ourselves 'rich' in other ways, and you can't buy that. :D

All the best, I hope you find some kind of resolution.
Cubase Pro 10.5 x64 with jBridge | WaveLab Elements 10 | i7 5930K @ 4.6GHz (stable) | ASUS X99 Pro | 32GB RAM | | W10 x64 Dual Boot on 2 SSDs plus 3 SSDs for samples and project/audio files | Fractal Design Define R5 case | Noctua NH-D15 | AMD Radeon RX 580 | Vox ToneLab SE | Mackie HR624 MKII | 2 x UAD2 Solo PCIe | RME HDSPe AIO | 2 x 24" LED monitors...

User avatar
Mauri
Senior Member
Posts: 1131
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 3:17 am
Location: Adelaide AU
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Mauri » Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:02 am

Jammy wrote:
Wed Jan 01, 2020 9:56 am
Just keep him happy and fulfil all his needs, which is important for him and useful for him
Or 'her'.
Cubase Pro 10.5 x64 with jBridge | WaveLab Elements 10 | i7 5930K @ 4.6GHz (stable) | ASUS X99 Pro | 32GB RAM | | W10 x64 Dual Boot on 2 SSDs plus 3 SSDs for samples and project/audio files | Fractal Design Define R5 case | Noctua NH-D15 | AMD Radeon RX 580 | Vox ToneLab SE | Mackie HR624 MKII | 2 x UAD2 Solo PCIe | RME HDSPe AIO | 2 x 24" LED monitors...

User avatar
MrSoundman
Senior Member
Posts: 2465
Joined: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:27 am
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by MrSoundman » Fri Jan 03, 2020 5:18 pm

Mauri wrote:
Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:02 am
Jammy wrote:
Wed Jan 01, 2020 9:56 am
Just keep him happy and fulfil all his needs, which is important for him and useful for him
Or 'her'.
.... or "they".
Windows 10 • Cubase 10.5.12 • WaveLab 10.0.30 • SpectraLayers 6.0.30 • HALion 6.4.0 • Groove Agent 5.0.20 • Midex

cpechet
Junior Member
Posts: 99
Joined: Tue May 29, 2012 10:59 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by cpechet » Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:27 am

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find a resolution which brings you peace. Take care.
Windows 10.5.12 1903 / Cubase 10 Avid artist Mix (4), Artist Control, Artist Transport, 1 x Lynx Aurora 8, 1 x Lynx Aurora 16, Neve/API/SSL pres/comps, Manley ELOP, Spiral Groove M1, JBL 4345, Bryston 28B SST x 2, Bryston 7BSST2 x 2

Pierluigi_Bontempi
New Member
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:28 pm
Contact:

Re: Lots of problems with the wife - any advice?

Post by Pierluigi_Bontempi » Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:20 pm

Hi cg33, I'm really sorry for you. I don't know you, I'm not in the position of giving unbiased advise, just let me give you a suggestion (but maybe you already tried). You could tell her that you love music, that it's a serious thing for you, asking to accept it, even if she doesn't understand. At the same time be sure to give her attention, maybe one night take her to the cinema to see a movie she likes, the following night produce music asking "please, give me some time without interrupting, it is important to me". The following night stay on the sofa talking with her, show interest in her passions (if she has some). And then take some other time to produce music. If doing all this she remained hostile and insensitive, you'd have to make a choice between her and your passion...
Steinberg Certified Trainer
https://musicproductionwithcubase.cloud > The book that will take you by the hand and accompany you to discover music production and Cubase!
https://produzionemusicaleconcubase.cloud > Il libro di riferimento in italiano per imparare a produrre musica con Cubase!

Post Reply

Return to “Steinberg Lounge”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests